No not like the depeche mode song
How does one stay positive in a world so seemingly prepared to collapse at any moment due to forces beyond your control? In other words, how can I be happy while everyone else suffers...possibly leaving me to be next.
All the things I've worked so hard to establish, to get, to buy, to love can be wiped out in the blink of the eye not just through mere petty violence/circumstnace but simultaneously through exploitation, poison, and the lies of those who swore to protect me. It's nearly as if I'm suffocated by this prison of inability, an inability to truly feel secure in the the things that I've built my lifes meaning around, but perhaps real liberty is to be found in such absurdity.
What I express is certainly not a new anxiety by any means, and has existed since the awareness that bad things can and do happen, with even the tagline of this post referencing Stanley Kubrick's 59 year old movie about how feeble human existence is in the face of nuclear annihilation, but what has exasperated this malaise within me is the perpetual notion that the bad things happening to people aren't just out of natural phenomena or human nature but are intentionally inflicted upon us as a sick and BDSM style form of control, serving no benefit (to be continued)
- xoxo Machine Girl xoxo
p.s nevermind, this is Machine Girl a month later and I think I was just having some sort of anxiety attack, so not to be continued unless I have another one when the next mysterious tragedy happens! Maybe I will update this one day. I was gonna delete this or not publish it like the countless other ramblings I've written, but I thought why not release this one?