Dear Diary, all I want to be is normal. I know it may make me more interesting to be like "this", but it's isolating me into lonliness. I love talking about my thoughts and interests, but it doesn't help me get any closer to people or better yet finding someone. I have a very unique outlook on life that let's just say scares folks. It's been like this since from the time I could talk. I cancelled my Xbox Gamepass today in hopes of joining a gym, I figure that if I'm skinny atleast then it'll cancel out. I want the peace that comes with not being very interesting, because atleast then I'll feel less alienated. I just hope that when I get accepted into a college I can pretend to be normal there, and all the guys will go crazy. I'll be alone my entire life if I have to, and I'll say it's a because of my devotion to God, or because of my Newton level IQ. It's very hard for me to go with just anyone I find, and maybe that makes me a bad person for being so picky, but I just can't let myself give the most intimate and caring parts of me to someone who won't value that sort of thing. In my personal life I find that even the coolest of diamonds lose their specialness when just about everyone has gotten their hands on it. I'm not saying that I'm utterly crushed about not having a partner, but damn wouldn't it be nice?

- xoxo Machine Girl xoxo